10 Things the Abu Sayyaf Can Do for the Filipino People
:: farrah ::
Filipinos are funny. We are always
trying to find humor in every situation. Trying
to turn life-changing situations into green jokes and funny anecdotes seems to
be a past time deeply imbedded into the Filipino culture.
Humor in the Abu Sayyaf? Well, why
not? It seems to be the only avenue to be explored in this issue
that’s plaguing the Filipino nation today.
So, let us list down the ten things the Abu Sayyaf can do for the Filipino:
Serve as diet camp for obese citizens who never stick to their nothing-after-six
diets. Perhaps grueling hikes in
the Sulu Mountains can do the trick.
2. Turn people into vegetarians. Up
there, no one needs to look at BFAD marks to avoid Mad Cow, Foot and Mouth, and
3. Become a mountain version of the PMA. Besides
hands-on training on state-of-the-art weapons not even the Philippine government
can buy, maybe they can even scare the Chinese off the Spratlys.
4. Help pull up the nation’s GNP because of the large dollar amounts they get
into the country through the ransoms paid to them.
We can even export Abu Sayyaf action figures.
Ammunition sold separately.
5. Improve the Philippines’ tourism industry by attracting foreign
6. Hold those journalists for ransom, thus fulfilling number 4.
7. Help forest conservation efforts of the government. Would
you log in Sulu?!?
8. Promote and improve foreign relations especially with members of OPEC.
They can negotiate lower oil prices!
9. Steal the media limelight from the US. Shouldn’t
we be on CNN too?
10. Organize the next Survivor Series with a twist: organizers get the millions,
not the participants. You don’t even need to be an American to join.
knows, maybe a few months from now, all the Abu Sayyaf
needs to do to recruit is ask: “Who wants to be a Millionaire?”
Note: Farrah is a senior political science student at the University of the Philippines Diliman. She's a classmate of mine and she has given her permission to post this article at my site.
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